Jew To Be
by Random-Humour-Is-My-Friend
Summary: Cartmans Mom is getting rather close to a Jewish man, and talks of getting married. How will this effect Cartmans hate towards Jews, and Kyles hate towards Cartman? REAL 2nd chapter!
1. Chapter 1

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**A/N: Well, this is a random, so yeah, doesn't need to be a hit haha.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.

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"You Guys, Seriously, you have to help me!", Cartman yelled as he ran towards the 3 boys at the bus stop.

"Why?", asked Stan and Kenny.

Kyle just stood there, arms crossed, not bothering to show any concern.

"My Mom, she's dating someone".

"Wow, that's shocking", Kyle began, "I mean, It's not like she's a whore or anything, right?".

Kyle smirked at his comment, expecting a crude reply about Jews, but nothing.

"Normally, I'd rip on you for killing Jesus or something, but I can't anymore".

Stan, Kenny and Kyle all gasped,

"WHAT!" Yelled Kenny, "Dude, that's all you ever do!"

"Well, you see, my Moms been dating this guy for months now".

"Months?" asked Stan, "That's unusual for her".

"Yer, I know, they're getting real close, they even want to get married!" Cartman half yelled, half yelped.

"So?", Kyle questioned, "You've always wanted a father".

"NO, that's just it!" Cartman screamed, "I don't want, _**HIM**_ as a father".

"Why not?" Asked Kenny.

"Because ... ", Cartman trailed off.

Gaddammit Cartman, WHAT!", Kyle screamed, getting frustrated.

"Because, he's", He took a deep breath before continuing, "Because he's Jewish".

Kyle, Stan and Kenny's jaws dropped.

"And if they get married, Mom said she's going to turn Jewish for him, which means, I'm going to be.....", Cartman couldn't finish that sentence.

"Jewish?" Kyle whispered.

"Yes Kahl, I'm gonna be a Jesus killer, like you".

Within seconds, Stan and Kenny began roaring with laughter, whilst Kyle still stood stunned, and Cartman glared.

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys sorry about the wrong file, the document manager wasn't saving properly. Here is the REAL chapter. Oh and sorry for taking so long. Don't worry, my writers block is over for this story. Review how you feel about adding the goth kids into this, because I have an idea but I want your opinions before I add them completly.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own SP but if I did their would be a hell lot of Style :P**

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"Guys stop laughing", Cartman wines, "It's not fucking funny".

"Dude", Kenny says in between fits of laughter. "It's pretty funny".

"Yeah", Stan says falling into the snow from laughter. "This is irony at its best".

Kyle rolls his eyes and holds out his hand to pull Stan out of the snow.

"How the fuck is this irony?" Cartman asks frowning.

"Dude?" Kyle asks raising an eyebrow. "You make fun of Jews all the time".

Stan and Kenny burst out laughing again. Kyle rolls his eyes again as he dusts his gloves off from the snow from helping up Stan.

The bus pulls up and the four boys line up in their usual order. The bus door opens and they begin to find a seat.

"You guys, if irony is true you guys are fucked!"

"What do you mean?" Kyle asks as he takes his usual seat at the back next to Stan.

"Think about it Kahl", Cartman says taking a seat next to Kenny. "You guys make fun of me for being fat all the damn time".

"DUDE!" Stan yells. "I don't wanna be fat!"

"I'm too poor for that to happen", Kenny says, flipping through his fathers 'naughty' magazine.

"You could hit puberty Kenny and then burst into a ball of fat", Cartman says smirking.

"Once again, poor", Kenny says. "I live on waffles and water".

"Guys, remind me to take it easy with candy", Stan says holding his stomach.

Kyle rolls his eyes as the bus stops to let in the last passenger.

"Dude I hate this guy", Cartman says pouting.

Evan or better known as 'Tall Goth' steps in with a cigarette lit in his mouth.

"Put that out young man", the bus driver says pointing a finger at him.

"You tell me this every day", Evan says rolling his eyes, "And do I? No", he then walks away from the bus driver, looks around and sighs.

Stan shakes his head and puts his hand up.

"Dude, Evan, come sit here, plenty of room".

"That's his name", Kenny asks. "Dude".

Evan sighs again and sits next to Stan.

"Thanks I guess", he says.

Cartman watches out the window for a minute until he realises something.

"Hey guys", he says.

"What!" Kyle asks.

"Not you, Stan and Kenny".

"What?" they ask looking irritated.

"If you guys won't help me, help your good friend Kyle out".

"Why?" Kyle asks, "I find this funny actually".

"Really?" Stan asks, "You haven't been acting like it".

Kyle nods.

"Well if I go Jew I will be with Kyle all the time", Cartman says smirking.

"Fuck dudes", Kenny says concerned, " We should help him".

Stan nods in agreement.

"Guys it's fine", Kyle protests, "I see him practically all the time anyway".

"Wait", Evan says turning the attention of the four boys to himself. "Cartman is going Jewish?"

"Yeah dude", Stan says. "His mom is getting married to some Jew and wants to convert Cartman".

Evan gives a half smile. "Now THAT is funny".

"See Cartman!" Kyle says giggling. "Even the fucking GOTH kid finds it funny".

Cartman pouts again and crosses his arms. "You guys always get me to help you, like that time Ike got taken my aliens", he says. "I said, 'hey, you guys would never help me', and I was right".

Kenny shakes his head smiling and puts his arm around Cartman. "Dude, you gave Kyle aids".

Kyle frowns. "Yeah, so fuck no we are not helping".

Evan inhales his cigarette and then exhales. "You know you'll be stuck with Eric in church", he says, staring in front of him with his usual face of no emotion. "That's the only place you're free from him".

Kyle's eyes widened.

"Oh for the love of god NO!" he says.

Cartman smirks again. "I like you now Evan".

"Tall Goth", Evan says.

"Whatever".

"Conformist", he says exhaling another bit of his cigarette.

"So Kahl", Cartman says smiling. "You in? You gonna help?"

Kyle nods quickly. "Fuck yes', he says. "I'm in".

Cartman sits back proud of himself. "I win".

The bus pulls up in the school grounds and the children all slowly depart the bus and head towards the school.

Cartman puts his arm around Kyle. "Thanks Jew", he says, "appreciate it".

Kyle grindes his teeth and begins to walk faster towards the school.

Evan, who was standing just near the bus, threw what was left of his cigarette on the ground and shook his head. He turned in he opposite direction to go sit by the loading area with the rest of the Goth kids. "This will be entertaining", he says.

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**A/N: Okay, there you have it. Please leave a review. And once again, sorry.**


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